Sunday, November 4, 2018

We Didn't Die

I apologize for the disappearance. We have had a busy, crazy, stressful month (ish). My son got his license and diploma (YAY!!), we got hate mail from the trailer park, had another death in my husbands family, and I have found out that there is some sort of health problem(s) going on with my mom, who lives about 6-7 hours away.

My son finally was able to take his test for his license, after going through hoops and paying fees and fines from all the trouble he got himself into. That is a good thing. I don't have to drive him all over now. He also finally received his diploma. He has "officially" decided that he is going into the Marines. He had to have the actual diploma for that. The army would have just taken the transcripts and called it good. Finally, we have it in hand. Only to discover that he had to have letters of recommendation from all sorts of folks as he has been in trouble for various things and through the court system more than a couple of times. Still working on gathering all of that. As of three days ago, he ships out at the end of November. I dread that, but with his attitude toward me and my husband, I am also happy to see him out of our home. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it.

We also have put finding property and a house into overdrive. We think we might have found the property that we want and have decided to put a modular on it. We have spent a lot of time talking about it and looking at all of our options, but after the hate mail (coming up) we have decided that it is time to bite the bullet and get out of here. We thought about just buying an existing house, but with all the repairs that we have had to make here, we did not want to get into something else that constantly needed repairs and updates. We looked at new construction, but the time it would take to actually get in to it was longer than we wanted to wait. With a modular, we can be in it in just a couple of months. While we are preparing the property, the house is being built.

Now the hate mail:
About a month ago, we received a letter in the mail from the trailer park management. I checked the mail like any other day and saw the envelope. Figuring it was the tax notice, I opened it right up. Not the tax notice. (Since we own the trailer we pay tax on it, not the actual property as we don't own that.) It was a notice, however. Claimed to be a second notice. With option of eviction if we didn't comply. Seeing as we never received a first notice, it's a bit hard to comply with anything. It also looked like an angry 12 year old wrote it. It wasn't even typed. Very unprofessional. Basically, we were told that we could not have the "tents" in our driveway - one of which is where we stored our bikes - and that we were not allowed to have a garden. Mind you, we have had the garden for four years and the original shed for three. We added the second shed about a year and a half ago. One shed we stored things like Christmas decorations and garden tools, the other , the bikes. Also, we were told that we could not have our compost pile, which sadly is very small and pretty much useless anyway. We were informed that "this is not the country" and that we could not have any of these things.

I was pissed to say the least. I took a picture of it and sent it to my husband. One of the gals that he works with and that we are friends with is married to an attorney. He talked to her and asked if we could call them that evening. They were available so we called them. We asked if they would be willing to look over the lease, which I read with a fine tooth comb when we signed it, verify that we were not breaking any rules and that the letter I would draft was acceptable. The lawyer husband agreed. In my anger, it took a while to draft a letter that didn't simply cuss her out. After all, we do have to have somewhere to live for now. I emailed the letter the next day for them to review. (His wife is quite knowledgeable about law the same as her husband, as she is married to him.) I knew, based on the lease, that we have not violated any of the rules listed. I knew based on our actual property that we could not put a shed anywhere else on our property except the driveway. And why the hell would we put a shed in the back yard for our bikes? Neither of us wants to drive through grass to put the bikes in a shed in the back yard. Talk about a dump waiting to happen.

They took the weekend to read our lease, read the letter and get back to us. In the meantime, we had to search for a storage facility where we could put our stuff. We did find one, thankfully, as in our area apparently they are hard to come by. So, out come the bikes and we start taking the bike shed down. We had to go and buy a bike cover so they would not just sit out in the weather. We load up the parts for the first shed and take it over to the rented storage shed. The following week, as I am outside sorting the crap that my son had put in the second shed to pitch whatever I could, the manager of the trailer park comes driving up. She has a new letter in hand and wants to talk to me now. NOW. As if her hateful, looked like a 12 year old wrote it letter wasn't enough for conversation. I was not completely rude, but I definitely was not pleasant. She was so sorry. We were not supposed to have a "second" notice, but she has two other families in our park with the same last name and she got confused. She just sent it by accident. She was so sorry that it took her so long to tell us that we can't have a shed in our driveway. She was sorry that she didn't tell us we couldn't have a garden. Well, we could have a garden if it was very small and in our back yard. Which does not exist. Which I pointed out. I also pointed out that there was no where in the back yard for us to have a shed, either. There is a septic tank in our yard so there is no way to put one back there. Which she also acknowledged. And changed nothing. She thought we had a good relationship, we had always gotten along. Translation: we always paid the lot rent on time and she never had to hassle us over it, like the majority of folks out here that she has to track down payments. I didn't have to send a letter, I could have just come talk to her. Yeah, right. Not happening, I will have a paper trail of everything. I learned that a long time ago. So, she hand delivered the follow up letter apologizing and telling us that we did have time to comply as long as we did, and so sorry that she sent us the wrong notice information. I have that saved now, too.

We have dismantled both sheds now, dug out everything but the peanuts since they were not ready just yet (they are now, we just need to get them out), dug up the plants and put them in pots. Fortunately, I work at a garden center and we could take all our potted trees, roses, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, etc. to my work and drop them off and leave them for however long I need to. We brought in the lemon tree and lime bushes, mostly because of weather, and will have to figure out where to put a couple more plants we took to my work since they will not do well just sitting out in the cold. It will look like a jungle in our house I think. I don't think that will be a bad thing.  :)

I am immensely thankful that the seeds that we purchased were not planted yet as we have to get rid of the entire garden. I can save the seeds and hope that they sprout when we get to where we are going. I think they will. Seeds do seem to do okay if stored properly.

Through all of this, we got a phone call about a death. My husband's cousin that he grew up with and has spent a lot of time with, his wife died. Not an expected, oh she's been sick for a long time sort of thing. She had battled cancer and won. Twice. Then something totally unexpected hit her and in a week, she was gone. Unlike mine, most of Husband's family is close. These things hit everyone hard. Knowing that his brother could not go, we knew we had to pick his mom up. She is not capable of driving as far as needed to go to the memorial. We make plans, we drive to pick her up - an hour and 45 minutes the opposite direction - drive back the other direction four and a half hours, stay at a hotel, and repeat the same the next day. I don't know about you, but we do NOT sleep well when not in our own bed. Which means after a pretty full day driving, emotion toll of the memorial, not sleeping and then repeating the trip down, we were not worth much the next day. I am not sure my husband would want to share this. ( I am going to put this down and will remove it should he ask.) His mom is showing signs of dementia. The time we were all together was showing us this. She mostly is okay and when she is home, it does not seem to be as much of a problem, but there were definite signs of it. A lot of confusion, a lot of not understanding things, the morning after the memorial she couldn't find things while we were at the hotel, confusion on the way home when we stopped to eat,
signs of damage on her car. I think she needs more help than she is admitting.

During all of this, we are dealing with removing the sheds, garden, changes at work for me, getting all the shit that my son needs so he can join the military. And sorry guys, I will give you some warning: skip the next paragraph!

Through all of this, my hormones get all out of whack. I am exhausted, crabby, moody and every function is off kilter. My time of the month is screwed up, pms won't go away, and with my IBS my guts are trying to kill me. I feel really bad for my husband. I am trying really hard not be crabby to him. I am sure that I am, but I do work at not taking my emotions out on him. Too much eating out and yucky food messed up my guts, stress has screwed up my cycle. This is why men are head of the household and women are the heart. These last couple of weeks, I wouldn't trust myself to make a sound decision. I would figure whatever I decided was emotional. Yet, through all of this, he has been supportive to me and I am trying to be as supportive as I can for him. He will tell you I am, I feel like I am not as supportive as I should be. The exhaustion is the worst part I think. I am always tired and ready for a nap or bed. I am hoping to get things back on track soon. I hope.

OK, guys, welcome back. With all that has been going on, I talk to my sister. I wanted to tell her our news of finding property and picking out our house. We hadn't talked for a while, so there was a lot of catching up to do. This is when I find out about whatever health problems my mom is having. I have not been to see my mom or sister in almost a year. There just never seems to be the time or money. As I am sure you all have had happen in your life. Well, apparently, I should have spent the time and money. My sister and I are going to talk again Monday or Tuesday to discuss some options, but an intervention is now needed. My sister lives about an hour from my mom and won't be harsh in what needs to be said. I live hours away. I can say what I want, and would any way. My mom is showing signs of confusion and inability to function in some situations without guidance. That is totally not my mom. Apparently she has put on a LOT of weight, her blood pressure is out of control, she has confusion sometimes and just seems not capable of doing some of the things that need to be done. I can't be there all the time, but I can make sure that the doctor knows what he needs to be looking for. If she isn't telling them, I will. I will also say what needs to be said to my mom. What can she say? Go home? I don't want to talk to you? She doesn't see me regularly, I can get by with a lot. My sister? Not so much. So I will take advantage of my situation and deal with what needs done. Plus, I don't have four kids with another on the way. I can take some time and take care of things. I will make sure that some tests are scheduled, blood work done and pressure put on my mom to admit what is going on and the doctor to take the time. I am not sure with her blood pressure that she has not had a TIA. I don't think it is dementia, but also won't rule that out. We will find answers, the same as we will for my husband's mom.

Through all of the everything going on, the cats are doing well. The dog is doing well. My husband and I are doing well. We know that we can rely on each other through anything; We do rely on each other through everything. That is something that I wish everyone could have. To have a partner that you can count on to have your back in life, that's something. An important something. We will make our plans to take care of all that needs done. That said, at the end of the day, we will take care of each other. Please don't forget to take care of your loved ones. They may be family, friends, or just your neighbor you like, just look after them. If you don't like'em? F#($ them. Take care of you and yours.

There always seems to be something in life. Be it a health issue, a financial issue, familial issue, there is always something. We can strive to be anything we want, we can strive to go anywhere we want, and that is something that we never forget. You should never forget that, either.

Share what has been going on in your life. How have you dealt with it? What choices have you had to make? What words of wisdom can we share with each other to make it through the tough times? Are there any?


  1. I am glad you finally came back to the living... Nothing like life to assert itself when you are out making other plans. Congrats on the property and a house, good for you! Your Mom is in my prayers. High blood pressure in of it self can cause confusion and dementia like symptoms. Is she diabetic? Insist that she gets checked out by a competent doctor, describe to him yourself M her symptoms and conditions and let the doc know that you will not abide him/her just passing her off and trivializing her problems. Ask questions and do not let it go unless he/she explains them to your understanding. I got your email and I haven't responded to that but will, I have been out coyote hunting for bounty, 10 bucks per tail and one ear. I spend more money on camping and traveling then I make, but it is fun and a couple of buddies make it memorable sitting around a campfire eating beans and passing wind... (Blazing Saddles style?) I am still on track to head your way. Did I tell you I lived in Dandrigde, TN for about a year. Is that close to you? Have fun and look on the bright side, ya ain't dirt napping...